Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What I Do

What is my dissertation about? Why is my research important?

As an idealistic youth I wanted to change the world. When I went to graduate school I entered with ideas and was ready to take on the task of changing the world. Now, at 30 - nearly 31, I recognize that changing the world on a massive scale cannot be the emphasis of the dissertation. Completing a meaningful dissertation that begins to answer questions and tells a story that informs & helps people is my ultimate goal.

Have I sold out? Maybe. I struggle with the meaning in my work regularly, maybe that is a symptom or possibly cause of some of my writers block. In sociology, and any other discipline for that matter we work from theories. Theory guides our research and gives a lens to view the world. Theories are testable notions of how the world, and all that is in it, works.

As a sociologist, I have a series of theories that resonate and I use to make sense of the world around me. These theories answer the questions that I have long asked and add insight to human behavior. Now, for my dissertation.

I build on classic symbolic interactionism, don't let the invention of new 'worldly' words scare you - academics often like to add -ism, -ology, and other adages to make their work fancy. I think we do it to add the appearance of classiness & intellect to our discourse. Whatever it is, theory isn't as scary as the words we use to describe it.

When I engage in interaction, I see my self. I see my self in interaction through the eyes of others. Taking our self as an object is the most fundamental assumption that underlies my research. In taking my self as an object I am able to guide my behavior according to others responses - I in essence see myself through the lens of those I am interacting with. These theories can be further explored by examining the classic works of G.H. Mead & William James. They guide the basic assumptions in my research questions.

Building on my mentor's work, R. Serpe & his mentor S.Stryker - I am integrating emotions to Structural Identity Theory.Structural  Identity theory developed out of early symbolic interaction. What is central to this theory is that we organize our identities in a salience hierarchy that is in part based upon our commitment to the identity (identities). If we think of all the identities we have we can get a closer understanding of what it is I do.

I am a mother, a daughter, a girlfriend, a student, a coach, a friend, a pet owner, a blogger... and on and on. Each of these roles I occupy come with a script for behavior and are all more-or-less salient holding  more-or-less commitment. Salience in this instance is the probability of invoking one identity over another. Salience isn't the same as importance - though I will admit they have much overlap that continues to call for others to tease out (some have tried, McCall & Simmon's Prominence Hierarchy Vs. Stryker & Serpes Salience Hierarchy - personally I feel they have more in common then they have different). At any rate - back to salience. To the extent that an identity is more salient & the commitment higher will impact role performance. Role performance is just that - our performance in our role - our act. In relation to my identity as mother, I perform the role through certain behaviors that either reinforce my ideas related to my 'self' or conflict with my notions of 'self'.  A great deal of research supports and develops these ideas.

My dissertation adds another level to Structural Identity Theory - Emotion. As we know both academically and through lived experiences, our emotions impact how we see our self in interaction with others and subsequently our mental health. My dissertation investigates how emotions impact our commitment to an identity, the salience of the identity and ultimately the impact of emotion on our mental health & psychological well-being. I examine not just the frequency of the emotion; i.e. - how often we experience happiness related to being a student, but the duration & intensity of those emotions. Duration & intensity add more dimension to emotions. Again, we know both academically and through experiences that we experience emotions on a multidimensional scale -  how often do we feel it, how long does it last and how intense was it. I look at six emotions (happy, proud, anger, sad, fear & shame) in three different role/identities (student, family member & friend).

My research integrates another component to all this - in all this interaction & emotional response - do we think it was an appropriate response? In other words, did how we respond coincide with how we feel we 'should' respond according to the social script that guides our behavior. I also add to which we feel our significant others would find our emotional response appropriate. So, we felt frequent, long lasting, intense happiness related to being a student. We believe we responded appropriately and we believe that our significant others would agree with our emotional response. These emotions, as related to the identity salience & identity commitment - all enhance or inhibit our psychological well-being (I look at depression, anxiety, aggression, self esteem & mastery).

My hope was to simplify my dissertation in this post . If you have made it to the end -- you recognize that simplification is difficult. I am not sure if I succeeded. In writing this I feel I am leaving so much out. However, it is critical that I can take what I am doing in research and present it in an understandable manner.

That idealistic child has grown up to be an idealistic adult and I still am empowered to change the world. I'm not sure my research will change the world on a large scale, but the impact of my research will enhance our understanding of commitment, salience & emotions and their relationship on well-being and mental illness.

Operation Dissertation Take 820(ish)

I woke up this morning with a revaluation... of sorts - I need to take the reigns, again on this dissertation. It isn't that I lose the reigns - I have found that it is a number of factors that have contributed and continue to contribute to my lack of substantial progress. Thus, months ago when I started this blog I thought "Hell, why not blog about the journey." Ultimately, I am a fair weather blogger and months go by with no posts and the shiny new excitement of writing a blog goes away.
 
Like many aspects of my life, writing has always been a love/hate relationship. It is the writing of the dissertation that is giving me such a difficult time. Writing, essentially placing the words/thoughts/ideas/images in my head to print has not always been an issue for me. Writing is communication - for those of you that have known me throughout my life know that communication is strength of mine, I can talk (often too much). Looking at my writing as merely a tool to communicate my thoughts is essential. Thus, I now - once again, turn to the blogosphere to accompany me on this journey.

I woke up this morning with an idea, what if I take what has been my tool for procrastination and make it a tool of production (sounds Marx-esque at bit). Essentially, what if I use my blogging as a motivator and instrument to write. I'm writing now, it's flowing - words are coming from my mind to the screen with relative ease. If I can flow here -- why can't I spew the academic juices onto the screen? As most of you are well aware different writing arenas are just that, different. That is part of the problem in academia. We write to each other and not the public.

I see this blog, to the extent that I can keep up with it - potentially fruitful in a number of ways.
  • It will facilitate my writing. 
  • It will take my private struggles into a public sphere for potential assistance & encouragement. 
  • It will feed my ego & narcissistic tendencies. 
  • It will engage me in a public sociology - one that requires me to speak to 'the people' rather than just 'my people'. 
  • It will keep me honest, productive & motivated.
To the extent that I can do these things requires that I keep up with it. If I want a 'following' I must first develop something to be followed. So, here I go again. With my eye on the prize... operation dissertation take 820.

It has been approximately 820 days since I successfully finished my comprehensive exams. While I have made much progress dissertating since then - I feel that it has been take after take after take of trying to get the wheels of production moving. Here I go... again.

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